Artifact Trials: LOL, Blizzard is Kidding

Yesterday’ s evening it was 97% of Mage Tower ready, so I got up in the morning ready for artifact weapon trials. And they truly were available.

The whole business was a joke. I can’t find any other word for that. I’ve tried all three specs, and here’s what I found.

Fire: you are supposed to kill an imp mother. She has freaking 93k health. She spawns imps – as her name suggests – in NUMBERS. Taking down one imp takes the same time as killing a common mob in Broken Isles. Imps naturally bomb you like hell. And on top of that, one particularly fat imp would cast a shield upon the imp mother.

I don’t even know where to start here.

First, a Fire Mage doesn’t have AoE. He simply DOESN’T. There’s a Dragon Roar – which is a talent, and it has a big CD. Then there’s a fire pillar – which works only on PROCS if you don’t waste several seconds casting it. And the pillar would NOT cover every mob: the way they’re spread, you could touch only two and it’s not gonna be FATAL for them. Basically the whole Fire Mage business is procs, procs and procs. It’s a slow spec, so you need some time channeling and fishing out for instant casts – you don’t have time for that.

I didn’t even take 5% off her. I switch to adds which I’m supposed to do, and when I’m done with them, she’s already well shielded and while you continue killing adds they just burn you out.

Fascinating.

Frost: there are two enemies. I didn’t get to the second one yet, but your first challenge is a knight who goes to you and ONE-SHOTS you. He would take off 99% if you’re under a shield.

Obviously it’s a kiting game. You must always cast Frostbolt (which takes time) to slow him down, and you must use blinks and freezes too often to cast something – even a Frostbolt. The whole game is about running and running.

Luckily there comes a time when your cooldowns are all over, and he kills you to end this torment. You just have to be in his hitbox, that is all.

75k health he has. My best shot of three tries was taking off 10k or so.

Arcane: even funnier. There’s a melee girl who would come to you and hit you for 20% for each blow, and there’s a pair of other guys who would hurl projectiles at you so that your kiting just makes the torment a bit longer.

I mean: what the hay? I don’t even know where to start here. Arcane is by definition tied to its place if I want some casting. Even if I turned one of the adds into a sheep (I’m not sure it would work), the melee and the other one would kill me by all means. I just don’t have any significant spells of instant casts: the one I have is a joke.

• You can’t pass the trials in anther spec – even if it’s DPS and DPS.
• Every next attempt costs you 100 shards.
• Rumors are that boss health SCALES with your ilvl, so you can’t overgear them

So, here’s the question:

What the fuck are they testing here?

Look at the trials in Pandaria/WoD. It was not that easy, but you could complete them. It had perfect sense: tanks learned about positioning and aggro, DPS learned about dealing damage, positioning, AoE and cooldowns.

This – this is not trials, it’s a joke. It has nothing to do with your role. A DPS is not meant to survive the immense amount of damage without tanks and healers – and as a marathon. A tank is not meant to cope without a healer and DPS. A healer shouldn’t casually heal an NPC who WOULD receive some horse amounts of damage, doesn’t use defensive cooldowns and stands in every fire he finds.

It has nothing to do with your class knowledge. You know how to provide cool DPS, but you just don’t have opportunity to perform: you have to run and run, and your few survival options end in the first 30 seconds – and it’s a MARATHON.

These trials are meant for the sort of guys like “A Death Knight nails current raids solo”.

Conclusion: Fuck the trials, I pass. I could live without these appearances.