Starcraft II – Legacy of the Boredom: Opinion

Spoiler Alert: this blog post contains an immense amount of spoilers for Stacraft II: Legacy of the Void. You have been warned!

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And so, yesterday in the middle of the night I have finished the Starcraft saga. This time it’s arch enemy, cosmology, revelation, happy end and of course Protoss.

The focus of this Starcraft II Review/Opinion will be the story, the characters and the campaign missions.

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I never expected that now, with those amazing Wings of Liberty and Heart of the Swarm parts of Starcraft II, the epic conclusion of the whole story would end with a paradise of boring shite.

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Characters

Look at Kerrigan and Raynor: they are uneasy, they are struggling with their dark side, they evolve and make important decisions throughout their campaigns. Well, now they give us Artanis. Seriously, each and every briefing and cutscene are the same. His agenda throughout the campaign is one and the same babbling about “we will endure” and “we must unite”. He does so with a single intonation aka enthusiastic dreamy teenager. He doesn’t get angry or bored or sad or happy, he’s always looking at the stars and juggling the same 3 phrases which are apparently enough to unite Protoss and win the game.

Protoss have always been the most boring race in all of Starcraft. But you know, we had at least self-sacrifice of Protoss heroes and these sneaky Dark Templar in Starcraft I – everyone likes good-hearted rogues and exiles. They had clashes, betrayals, life. In Starcraft II, nothing happens.

We have Karax. One more “dwarf tinker” character – Terran Rory Swann was the first one. He’s calm and doesn’t care for anything but science. His ascension to Templar was so unnatural. No-more-castes – it’s a good idea for plot, yes. But Karax openly says: I fuck your Templar war thing in nostrils, even if you say I’m Templar now. Let me craft my toys and my cogwheels, whatever you call me.

Isn’t it great? All the pathos of “unity” and “new world” and “templars” is ruined. There’s the ceremony. He shrugs his shoulders: “Whatever you want me to do”. He’s not excited at all about becoming a Templar. Why should we?

And being the “tinker” character, Karax doesn’t seem to care too much about neither Artifact/Keystone nor Solar Core. I didn’t feel his devotion to machines and experiments except that he told us so.

Then we have Fenix and Vorazun. There’s nothing happening to them as well. Click on them before any mission – you get the same talk in other words. These aren’t characters, these are answerphones. They all are expressing their small worries only to listen to Artanis, open-mouthed, as he repeats the same old shit again and again. It’s like a pre-arranged press conference or a lesson in school visited by superintendants: all the Q&A are rehearsed and unnatural.

The only bright spot in this realm of plastic dolls is Alarak, the leader of Tal’darim. He’s the only one here to have more than 1 intonation and his own opinion. He’s the only one that doesn’t play a flat one-dimensional role. He has feelings and emotions.

Missions

Yes, there were purest pearls among the 19 missions: the ones when you join Raynor or Kerrigan armies on the battlefield, the push & pull Rak’Shir fight, the moving platform (!) and of course several Heroes-of-the-Storm missions – everyone likes one-man-army levels, come on :)

But most of the game, when you are teleported to battlefield, they will show you 3 to 5 pillars or gates or stones you will have to destroy. If you want to get somewhere, destroy 3 pillars. If you want to leave the planet, destroy 3 pillars. If you want to defend, destroy 3 pillars. If you want to make yourself a sandwich, destroy 3 pillars.

Story

There are Three Pillars of Boredom in Legacy of the Void:

  1. Plastic “characters”
  2. Missions themselves
  3. Chaotic flight across the universe with no epic enemies or resistance

The story was as illogical and fragmentary as possible. If Aiur was our climax point (which is fair), why should we start with it only to fail there in the first place?

While Amon behaved as stupid as he could. His forces are spread across the universe, and they never have enough firepower or presence to pose any threat to one stupid spaceship with Protoss remnants. WTF? Dude, make a citadel. He gains his body on Aiur – well, ok, cause he forges it from Overmind’s leftovers. But he does it in the last moment. He doesn’t seem to care if his forces are destroyed in small groups. He didn’t build any defence, although he had much time.

Mind you, he’s tracking Artanis through Rohana, he constantly tells the Protoss how scary and powerful he and his plan are. By the middle of the game, it’s just an annoying buzz. Because we come to the next planet, lazily collect information or extra boring warriors for our army, we leave. We’re not in a rush: Amon’s forces are said to be terrorizing the worlds, but when we come to the next planet, it’s just a next roaming bunch of thugs, colored red, with no guidance or goals. And Radio Amon online.

Amon never cared for Keystone, Spear of Adun or any plan. Amon’s thugs just broke windows, turned over trash bins and tagged the walls of Koprulu sector with bad words, until all these gangs were busted and all their base and loot are belong to us. Couldn’t he collect enough firepower, build a citadel, perform some plan? No, everything he did was maniacally stalking Artanis through the radio till the end – why not Kerrigan or Raynor… ah, whatevs. And then he tried to build himself a body – WHY? Why does he stalk Artanis for 17 missions and then he tries to build a body only when Artanis finally comes for him?

It would be unfair not to mention really good parts of Legacy of the Void: cosmic conspiracy about Khala, Xel’Naga and betrayal was very, very cool. And when Kerrigan & Raynor joined the fight – the story suddenly becomes vivid and fun. 

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If you want to write a comment, destroy 3 pillars.

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